Birthday With & Without Josie


Fri. Jan. 25, 2019 I will save & lock away memories of josie,
but i must move on, now’s the time,
and it starts here..

My Josie’s Birthday Party is tomorrow, and my actually birthday is,.. also tomorrow. The world does not revolve around me, now that we all know that, i have to vent, and sound like a child in the process, because it’s is so difficult for me to move on with life after having her apart of mine.

Waking up this morning i began to figure it out, how i felt; the fact of just having my family planning a party for her, on the same birthday of her biggest fan (me). I never felt so low, I have always had my family, and they have always had me, one strong unit, now two once my brother completely fractured it leaving it impossible to ever heal. But since then my mom and dad, were on my side, their choice, because they believed in me, and didn’t agree with him and his disloyalty, disrespect, etc.

We knew he had leverage, and once it was acknowledged when he said he would not use it, I knew he would, although it was incredibly shocking that he did used it; that being josephine, using her against us, me, neer could I see her again, never would he ever bring her to his parents, her grandparents house, making them drive up to their house in paradise, to babysit, as they put it, it wasn’t to visit, to babysit.

I have been told over the last couple years that he was wrong, granted i made a mistake, which his wife and he coincidentally made one of the same, but he was unforgiving, hurtful, and did everything one could do to make it worse. Including hurting our parents though these years. My parents let me know the three of us were together, as a unit, they believed in me and had my back.

I last say her July 22nd, 2017, which is a lie, it was actually March 5th, 2018, thanks to my parents risking and being sneaky by meeting me at Bille Park since they believed that strongly to have their granddaughter to play with her uncle those few times behind his back. Because he was wrong. Since that summer day in 2017, I knew in my heart I lost my brother, but my parents were always ones to have my back.

Always being told they would stand up to him, tell him what they told me they believed. Setting him straight, which was too late, but tell him anyway. Tell him he is wrong, …
for making them suffer, and hurting me so, using Josie against us all.

But it never happened, they never told him, I never asked them to, but they knew they were going to one day, only problem is they never did, they couldn’t, and i don’t blame them; he’s now someone we don’t know or relate to, and his wife bad, she can be intimidating, talking down, making people feel uncomfortable, which is a well known personality trait of a very insecure person, but I never expected it, my brother made our parents life hell recently, the three of us became stronger.

But now i feel like a joke, lost, and alone, and literally alone on my birthday, thinking of Josie, and just wanting to say goodbye to her one last time, while they were planning her birthday party and landing it on my birthday, it’s amazing the coincidence, i’m really now not even insulted, just disappointed to know it is true, what I’ve heard many say, no one is worth investing in, because you really cannot trust anyone – not even family, just wish I invested more into myself, a life, career, significant other, kids even of my own. I could have, should have, and there is no excuse, I do not blame anyone for what I am, because I can only blame myself, or hold myself responsible for not being on my own, having my own life.

But I did make it, one thing in my life, and the most important for me it turned out, it’s an ever ongoing struggle, but I made it, I’m alive, still, through the depression, anxiety, I used to think I didn’t want to be alive, and tried to make that happen, but I am lucky I was able to get to where I wanted to work enough to live, social anxiety bipolar disorder didn’t beat me, I’m still sad, depressed, and lonely, -at times, but I want to be alive, and I am. Even as it sounds I feel broken from everything I just wrote above, none of this has broken me, I cannot and will not be defeated.

It’s a weird feeling knowing that, well.. you’re weird, if I can knew that, wouldn’t that make me able to not be so? Or maybe if only I was just a bit more unstable – like the clients I see at Behavioral Health – crazy enough to fall into that bliss category? Or am I just talking an insanely large amount of gibberish into a computer that no one will read, understand, or relate to, – it doesn’t matter, this helps me, as always, and I’m alive, and have enough motivation to stay alive, love life, and with every day, month, and year in treatment.. I’m more, again. and i like looking forward to that.


PG&E’s stock soars – California investigation clearls PG&E of causing the state’s 2nd-most destructive wildfire

Announced Thursday, January 24th, 2019: Cal Fire investigation conclusion;

  • Pacific Gas & Electric Corp. equipment did not cause the 2017 Tubbs wildfire

  • state regulator cleared it of any responsibility / wrongdoing;

  • Resulting in shares soaring 75% by afternoon following the announcement;

  • proceeding to file for Bankruptcy is now not known, debated company internal

  • Just 10 Days prior, PG&E shares had lost as much as 90% of their value

PG&EMarkets Insider

  • PG&E, California’s largest utility, was cleared by a state regulator of any wrongdoing related to the 2017 Tubbs wildfire.

  • Shares spiked 75% after the news.

  • The utility said last week that it had intended to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection as it may still be held responsible in the 2018 Camp Fire, the deadliest wildfire in California history.

  • Watch PG&E trade live.

PG&E, California’s largest utility, soared Thursday afternoon, nearly 75% to $13.95, after a state regulator cleared it of any responsibility related to the 2017 Tubbs wildfire. California investigators found the wildfire was caused by a “private electrical system,” according to Bloomberg.

That fire was separate from the 2018 Camp Fire, the deadliest and most destructive wildfire in California history.

“After an extensive and thorough investigation, Cal Fire has determined the Tubbs Fire, which occurred during the October 2017 Fire Siege, was caused by a private electrical system adjacent to a residential structure,” a statement Thursday from the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection said, according to Bloomberg.

“Cal Fire investigators did not identify any violations of state law, Public Resources Code, related to the cause of this fire,” the statement added.

Last week, the company said it intended to file bankruptcy petitions at the end of the month to reorganize under Chapter 11 protection, two months after the deadliest and most destructive wildfire in California history broke out.

PG&E previously said it was having trouble with its transmission lines when the blaze erupted and that it may be responsible.

Still, Thursday’s announcement was welcome news for the hedge funds that have been buying up shares of the stock. Seth Klarman’s Baupost had owned close to 19 million shares, and BlueMountain Capital held 4.3 million, according to their most recent filings.

“The news from Cal Fire that PG&E did not cause the devastating 2017 Tubbs fire is yet another example of why the company shouldn’t be rushing to file for bankruptcy, which would be totally unnecessary and bad for all stakeholders,” a spokesperson for BlueMountain said.

The fund earlier last week said a bankruptcy filing by PG&E was unnecessary.

PG&E shares had lost as much as 90% of their value after the fire, bottoming out at $5.07 apiece on January 15.

once brothers, never twice

once brothers, never twice, cut so deep, nothing can hurt, am not bitter, retain no hate, cut so deep, nothing can compare, left no void, content with life, never to sight, share air again, speak one word, years have passed, i feel nothing, cut so deep, never brothers, never twice

the three united, mom dad me, we have each other, closer we’ve never. dad says he loves you, he does not like you, says you’re too busy, he’s broken, feels empty, you just left him. held our crying mom, -you fractured her family. late to mend, too late already, appreciation not shown, can only grieve, your time fades, and chance spent

written by kevin seeger, november 26, 2018

Chico News & Review – Been Wronged

Been Wronged

This article was published on May 8, 2003

The city of Chico is the regular recipient of tort claims by folks who hold or hope to hold Chico responsible for their misfortunes. Bob Koch, the city’s risk manager, says about 50 claims are filed against the city annually. Of those, some are settled, some are denied and taken to Small Claims or superior Court. Still others are denied with no follow-up. The following is a sampling of the most recent cases filed.

Jose Aguilera: exessive force during arrest Amount: unspecified Result: no action*

Matt Nakatani: Rolex watch damaged by handcuffs during arrest Amount: $3,025.59 Result: denied

John Strisower: police-booking software copyright infringment Amount: $50,000 Result: denied, no action

Jackie Corrie: injuries from fall on sidewalk at Fifth Avenue and Sheridan Street Amount: excess of $10,000 Result: denied

Century Indemnity Co.: indemnification and payments for cleanup of groundwater contamination in case of Department of Toxic Substances vs. Payless Cleaners. (Century insures Payless) Amount: unstated Result: no action

Benny Suryadi: vehicle damage from pothole on W. Eighth Avenue Amount: $103.57 Result: denied

Kevin Seeger: vehicle damage from pothole on W. Eighth Avenue Amount: $192.77 Result: denied

A&P Septic: reimbursment for staff time spent waiting for city to clear sewer main Amount: $495 Result: denied

Les Harrison: vehicle damage incurred from city leaf truck sideswipe Amount: $2,639.91 Result: denied

Larry Neel: injuries sustained on county bus when it struck a car Amount: excess of $100,000 Result: denied

* A confidential settlement has been made in this case

‘Top Gear’ is officially dead

Last night’s Top Gear, the second episode of the new series, was equally awful. Don’t just take my word for it, either: 2.8 million people tuned in to see it, less than half the viewership of old Top Gear. For comparison, Antiques Roadshow, the selling-crap-from-people’s-attic show TG was competing with, drew in 4.7 million viewers.

If you have an F1 racing driver in a brightly-colored McLaren, a former Friends star tearing around South Africa, and you still can’t beat two old men and an auction house, you know there’s a problem.

It’s a real shame. Top Gear has been a BBC institution since before the days of Jeremy Clarkson. It came from humble roots as a pure car show, and evolved over a dozen series into a high-quality entertainment show that brought car geekery into the mainstream.

Its general-public success was thanks not just to the three hosts, but what went on behind the scenes. Andy Wilman, the show’s longtime executive producer, left along with Clarkson, and he wasn’t the only other member of the show’s team to jump ship to The Grand Tour.

What the BBC was really left with was a format, an incredibly well-known brand, and a man in an all-white racing suit. Unfortunately, rather than trying to start over with a different concept for a car show — what Clarkson, Hammond and May did when they first rebooted Top Gear — Chris Evans and co tried to fit all the magic of TG into one season, and have failed spectacularly.

The US is in the midst of an opioid overdose epidemic


Physical and psychological reliance on opioids, a substance found in certain prescription pain medications and illegal drugs like heroin.


The US is in the midst of an opioid overdose epidemic. If you or someone you know needs help, effective treatment is available and can save lives.



Camp Fire survivors hear lessons of loss, resilience from Santa Rosa residents

They wrote in notebooks and raised their hands to ask impossible questions. Will my neighbors ever return? Will the businesses in our community fail?


They were from Paradise, Magalia, Concow and Butte Creek Canyon, foothill communities burned by the Camp Fire. For three hours, they grilled a group of Santa Rosa residents who drove to Butte County this week to share hard-earned lessons of loss and resilience.

The answers they got from these fellow wildfire survivors, who lost their homes 14 months ago in the Tubbs Fire, whittled down to two truths: Question everything and band together like never before.

“I’d like to say we know what you went through, but what you went through was so much more,” said Anne Barbour, whose Coffey Park home was among the earliest to be rebuilt in Santa Rosa. “Step up, and take your town back because what we’ve created is one hell of a community.”

Eight Sonoma County residents, mostly members of the recovery group Coffey Strong, spent Tuesday in Chico meeting with Butte County residents facing the kind of grief and uncertainty they began grappling with more than one year ago. They spent hours at an Episcopal church in north Chico with about 75 Butte County residents and at a packed afternoon meeting with contractors, city officials, builders and residents.

The October 2017 Tubbs Fire burned from Calistoga into Santa Rosa and destroyed nearly 5,300 homes, and killed 22 people, briefly giving it the terrible distinction of being the most destructive wildfire in California history.

It would be surpassed by the Camp Fire. At least 86 people have died. Paradise, a town of about 27,000 people, is at least 90 percent gone. All five City Council members lost their homes, as did the county supervisor for the area.

“We need to start organizing and start coming together as a community — we can make that agreement tonight,” said Miles Berdaehe Lynk, a Paradise resident who lost his home of 10 years.

They forged a new friendship with these Sonoma County visitors who had to learn the same alphabet soup of acronyms for the dizzying amount of documents and government bureaucracy to manage their losses and recovery.

Butte County residents talked about the wild pendulum swing of emotions. Will they rebuild or move? Will they ever feel safe living in their forested communities again?

They asked how to come up with lists of everything in their homes, an emotional and daunting inventory required by insurance companies. They said they were afraid they’ll never again be able to insure their homes in these forested communities. They were worried the debris cleanup crews would scrape their acreages clean of familiar trees and topography, or damage crucial septic systems. They said they felt out of control.

“My main concern is what they’re going to do to my lot,” said Betty Paugh of Butte Creek Canyon, who laughed wearily about the fact she had the carpets cleaned the morning of the Camp fire. Her home would burn to the ground that night when the fire reached her canyon.

“You will find yourselves mad at inanimate objects,” said Jeff Okrepkie, who founded the Coffey Strong group in the northwest Santa Rosa neighborhood that lost 1,321 single-family homes. “I’m talking about a door that won’t close properly, and now I’m swearing at it for five minutes because I’m mad at the world.”

Paradise is now a charred landscape of blackened trees, burned-out cars and chimneys. On a hill where the stench of smoke lingered and a once blue pool was black and stagnant, the view looked across a valley and offered a glimpse of what Paradise once was: a green and forested community with tidy fences and still standing homes.

Tuesday’s meetings were not just for the benefit of Butte County people. For many fire survivors in Sonoma County, each new wildfire this year that has cloaked the region in smoke has sharpened again that initial pain that weathers into softer shape yet never truly goes away.

Santa Rosa middle school teacher Tricia Woods took no days off work last year after the Tubbs fire destroyed her Coffey Park home because she felt her students needed her. One year later, Woods’ new home is less than two months away from being move-in ready.

“I took two personal days to come here,” Woods said, as she helped stack chairs after the emotional three-hour meeting. “It’s healing.”

Sonoma County residents know that people in Butte County didn’t lose just things these to the wildfire that took their homes. They lost their child’s comfort blankie. They lost a grandfather’s dog tags.

They understand what is gone for Kelley Albright, 56, of Paradise, a paratransit bus driver whose home for much of three decades on Lucky John Road was destroyed in the Camp Fire. The walls held memories of Albright’s children and barbecues. It’s where her father took his last breath years ago and where in August they shared an end-of-life celebration just before her beloved boyfriend died there too.

Like many, Albright was in turns tearful and laughing throughout Tuesday’s meeting, which she drove about 40 minutes from the hotel where she’s staying to attend. She asked the Sonoma County visitors about the pros and cons of living in a trailer on her burned-out property, and she joked about how smoke from her fire worsened Santa Rosa resident’s Bill Northcroft’s cough.

“I’m sorry!” she called out in a moment of shared gallows humor.

The tears welled up again after the meeting as she recalled how Okrepkie described accidentally driving to his home, taking streets on autopilot, only to be hit again with the brutal visual reminder that all he once had is gone.

“He said, ‘You want to go home.’ Yes I do,” Albright said.

She tried to wipe her tears away but they kept coming. Barbour walked over and gave her a hug.

“Thank you,” Albright said.

Alan Rellaford, 58, has seen drone video that shows his Paradise home still stands but he does not know when he will be able to return. It’s unlikely to be anytime soon. His wife is undergoing treatment for cancer and needs a safe, clean home environment now more than ever.

“The people who have been through it — they are coming through in magnificent ways,” Rellaford said. “They know we need more than paper towels and sweatshirts.”

Democratic staff table erupted in laughter when Google CEO had to Explain to Rep.Congressman that iPhone was made by a different Company

Steve King.
Fox News/YouTube

  • At a House Judiciary Committee hearing on Tuesday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai was asked by Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) why his 7-year-old granddaughter saw a photo of the congressman with inappropriate language while playing a game on her iPhone.
  • Pichai answered, “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company.”
  • The Democratic staff table erupted in laughter at Pichai’s reply, according to Business Insider’s Joe Perticone, who attended Tuesday’s hearing.
  • Rep. Ted Lieu (D-California) told the Iowa congressman later in the hearing that if he wanted “positive search results, do positive things.”

At a House Judiciary Committee hearing on Tuesday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai was asked some difficult questions. None was more difficult than a question asked by Iowa Rep. Steve King, however, whose question was literally impossible for Pichai to answer.

King said his 7-year-old granddaughter was playing a game on her phone before an election – most likely King’s November 2018 reelection bid – and was shown a picture of the congressman that included some not-so-flattering language.

“I’m not going to say into the record what kind of language was used around that picture of her grandfather,” he said.

Then, holding up his Apple device, King asked Pichai, “How does that show up on a 7-year-old’s iPhone who’s playing a kids game?”

The Google CEO answered the question by saying, “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company.”

The Democratic staff table erupted in laughter at Pichai’s reply, according to Business Insider’s Joe Perticone, who attended Tuesday’s hearing.

King backtracked and said, “It might have been an Android. It’s just … it was a hand-me-down of some kind.”

Later in the hearing, Rep. Ted Lieu (D-California) told the Iowa congressman that if he wanted “positive search results, do positive things.” King has repeatedly found himself in hot water over his insensitive racial comments.

Read more: Democratic Rep. Ted Lieu tears intro Republican colleagues during Google hearing: ‘If you want positive search results do positive things’

King wasn’t alone in holding up his iPhone when addressing Google’s CEO on Tuesday.

Rep. Ted Poe (R-Texas) showed off his Apple device when asking Pichai whether Google tracked users’ phones for location data. Rep. Tom Marino (R-Pennsylvania) held his up as well when telling Pichai of the major responsibility he had because “there’s a lot of people who believe anything that’s put out, by anyone.”